As a preschooler my parents had enrolled me in a music and rhythm class.
I loved it and it was here that I first learned what "the repeat sign" was! I was super excited about this and started writing it with my name. :|| Because this sign is used to communicate "go back to the beginning and do it over again and inspite of having never been formally introduced to the idea of reincarnation as a child ( Catholic upbringing )as a 4 year old, I knew I had been here many times before and thought the repeat sign was just the perfect thing to add to the spelling of my name to express this idea.
I have always felt that I am here on a repeat assignment!! Of course this wasn't deemed acceptable at school and I realized it was a battle I wouldn't win so I eventually let it go...but I never totally forgot!
I came across this old book of mine when I was looking for a way to communicate my new name and my legal name in a written format.
I chose Jade :||: Cathy Chicoine as a way of honouring the eternal Spirit this is me on one side, Jade the wise one within who knows who she is and my "strawman" name on the other side (birth certificate, all caps corporation name)
Jade :||: Cathy Chicoine
Several years ago, I attended a level one Sound Healing certification presented by Marsha Read and the Centre for Sound Healing. We began on Saturday morning with a simple exercise that had us place our hand over our heart and ask ourselves the question "Who am I today?"
Now, up until this point I had not contemplated changing my name, nor had I even considered other names. But when we did this simple exercise I was very surprised by what happened. The name JADE just flew out of my heart!
I sat confused as we began to go around the circle, each in turn sharing our name and then having the group sing/tone back it to us. With my mother, the person who had given me the name Cathy sitting to my right, I began questioning what I had just experienced. We began toning my mother's name Donna Rae as a group while I was struggling to make sense of why this name Jade showed up for me. "Am I supposed to try this on?" I asked myself. Then, my self answered "Well you did just ask the question 'who am I today' and that is the answer that came, so maybe you should try it on to see how it feels." I resisted the idea, I know had judgements about it. But then I realized that the name I was given at birth, Cathy Chicoine had always felt kinda awkward to me, it refused to flow easily from my lips, there was something incongruent about it and I had always felt somewhat detached from it... so, I decided to try on the name JADE.
I saw myself climbing into a suit and zipping it all the way up, even covering my head. This suit felt amazing. Grounded, powerful, cool, calm, collected and kind. This was made of JADE and I felt solid as a rock. It was an immediate and deep sense of peace and calm settling inside me that I had never experienced before. My whole body was at ease. The name JADE fit like a glove, it was beyond comfortable. It was nice & clear, strong & simple. It felt true to me, at my core, in my centre, in the place where I know who I am.
As I mentioned, my dear sweet mom was sitting right next to me that day and after we had sung and toned her name, Donna Rae, it was my turn. When I shared what had just occurred my mom's reaction really took me by surprise. She unexpectedly responded with a very lighthearted "I told you I never knew what to call you!"
I couldn't believe what I was hearing!
She said that from the moment she held me as a baby in the hospital she realized that, unlike my sister Carla whose name had come to her clearly and easily, a name for me was simply not forthcoming. She gave me the name Cathy but on some level knew that it was like a place holder, the best fit at the time. And because this was all pretty unexpected and new I asked " Well what do you think? Does Jade feel more like the right name? Because it sure feels right to me" The answer was " Well YAH!!!!" with a whole hearted smile.
This was a complete revelation to me as you might imagine. I began sharing this story with only my closest friends at first but gradually as I shared it with more and more people, the name Cathy was easily being replaced by most quite easily with Jade. I've been evolving with it every since.
Life is a journey and ever since that fateful day I guess you could say that I have been becoming Jade, a homecoming to my authentic self.